This blog will discuss whether, when, and how we can or maybe even should leave our kids home alone. When I discuss this topic with other Moms, the reaction ranges from shock that I might consider it to surprise that I'm concerned. Precious little is out there to guide us. Perhaps we can guide one another. This is an opinion site -- it is not intended to provide advice upon which readers can rely. It is a discussion.
I am the mother of a 9-year old. We'll call my child "Pat" to avoid creating any gender-based biases.
Pat often wants to stay home alone to avoid grocery runs or other errands. As Pat is confident and self-reliant -- even resourceful, I began to wonder at what age I could leave Pat home alone. I did some research. I found that two states have laws on the subject: Illinois and Maryland.
Maryland's law appears to be pretty straight forward, stating that it is against the law to leave children under 8 years old home alone.
Illinois' law is a little more complicated. It states generally that children under 14 should not be left alone for an unreasonable period of time, but goes on the expand on factors that will inform whether the leaving of the child was, in fact, in violation of the law.
So, we have two standards: 8 years old and maybe 14, but it depends...
The National Child Care Information and Technical Assistance Center ("NCIC") has aggregated information on its website. Among the citations there, is a bit of advice from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry ("AACAP"). The AACAP says:
It is not possible to make a general statement about when a child can be left home. Many states have laws which hold parents responsible for the supervision of their children. Older adolescents are usually responsible enough to manage alone for limited periods of time. Parent(s) must consider the child's level of maturity and past evidence of responsible behavior and good judgment. When a child is ready to be left alone, a graduated approach should be used starting with a very short period of time (e.g. 1 hour).
Tha AACP further recommends that parents set rules and expectations, including when and how to answer the phone or the doorbell. Rules should be set for phone and computer use, whether friends may come over and how the time alone should be spent. Parents should also run through how children should handle emergencies or unsafe situations.
Girls and Boys Town caution parents against leaving children home alone. But, it says, once you have decided that you feel its safe to leave your child or children home alone, you should teach them about safety issues. For example:
Your child/children should never open the door for anyone -- and should not even peek through the blinds to look.
Your child/children should stay in the house until you come home.
Teach your children how to answer the phone and take messages without indicating they are alone -- or maybe just let it go to voicemail.
Use caller ID to screen calls.
Work out a plan of action in case something goes wrong -- emergency phone numbers, phone numbers at which you can be reached, phone numbers of friends, neighbors or relatives who could step in to help your child/children in the midst of an emergent situation.
Practice what to do and say if a 911 call is necessary. The child calling 911 should be prepared to give his or her full name and expect to stay on the line until the emergency personell instructs him or her to hang up. Work out your fire escape procedures and emphasize that the procedures work, even when you are not there.
If possible, create a "safe room" with a deadbolt lock and communications devices available for 911 use -- an obsolete, but charged cell phone should always be able to dial 911. If you choose that option, you might want to give it a try in a non-emergency situation to be sure the device is functioning.
If your child is alone for an extended period of time -- over an hour -- try to have a neighbor or relative check in with him or her.
If you are gone for meal or snack time, be sure prepared food is available. Avoid situations in which your child is using any kitchen appliance to cook food.
Girls and Boys Town recommends that you review your house rules and even post them as a reminder.
But, most importantly, it provides this warning: Statistics indicaate that unsupervised kids are at greater risk of accident, harm by strangers, siblings or friends, and are more apt to commit crimes than those under the care of an adult.
It goes on to provide this specific guidance: Experts strongly recommend that you not leave children under 10 at home alone for any extended period of time.
In contrast, the Safe Kids USA says that 12 or 13 is when they are developmentally ready to be home alone.
Maryland says 8 years old, Safe Kids USA says 12 or 13, Illinois says 14. This stuff can be confusing. But there seems to be consensus around leaving a responsible, confident child alone for a short period of time as young as 8 or 9 or 10.
So, what if I've made the decision to let my child spend an hour or so alone while I run to the grocery? Is there any place where Pat could attend a workshop to get some of the skills Girls and Boys Town recommend?
I'll keep looking...
